Gethsemane is Five

Happy Birthday to my darling Gethsemane! Every day I am more and more grateful for the gift you are to me and to our family. 

You are the sweetest little love with a heart of gold and a dash of sass. I look at you and I see such beauty. Your gentle, loving spirit just pours out of you. All day you have wanted to be right by my side, to experience the excitement of your birthday every moment with me. 

Your greatest dream is to be a Mommy. That is the most wonderful, marvelous thing in the world to you. You love to talk about babies and birth and ask so many questions about how that all works.

You have always wanted to grow up so fast. This morning after you woke up you told me, "Mommy, do you know the best part of being five? Five, Six, Seven, Eight. I'm almost eight!!"

You tell me that I need to be okay with you growing up fast, because when you get older you will bake me cookies all the time and make me tea. You can't wait to learn to read this year in school, because you will then be able to read to a baby sister and read to me when I am old. 

You desperately want a baby sister with a longing so strong that I look at it and see my own reflection. You squeal over babies in the store, tell me you want us to have 95 kids in our family, and look at me with raw emotion when you hear of another friend's mom being pregnant. You pray constantly for a baby and told me that you had been hoping to have one by your birthday. Its a new level of trust and acceptance that I need to come to in my journey of infertility as I struggle with not being able to give you what you want most in the world. But I know that God loves you even more than I do, so I know without a doubt that He has something wonderful planned for you and this dream of yours.

I keep telling you that you are so loved, so precious to so many people. I think that the light in your eyes shows that you know this down to your very core. I hope you always rest in that knowledge. 

The love of so many brought you to who you are today. God made you with so much love and you are the very apple of His eye. He is the one Who created your beautiful spirit and fashioned you so wonderfully. He placed your name and the dream of you in my heart when I was just a girl, so that when I held you for the first time I would know you already. Your Daddy and I prayed for you and longed for you before you were conceived, and loved you from the moment we got the call that we had been chosen to be your parents. 

Your birth mother's love for you was so great that she chose your happiness over all else. It was her love that chose life for you, that chose the best life she could possibly find. It was that love that led her to us and you to my arms. I will love her forever. 

Being your Mommy has been my greatest blessing, and I have been thankful for you everyday of the last five years.  I love you precious girl!